How to work with, and shift your mindset, to benefit yourself and others
We all do it. Compare ourselves to everyone else and beat ourselves up once we’ve seen that thing another person has the advantage over us be it the better partner, children, job, career, house, car, clothes, body. You name it, it’s comparable. We’re never good enough, smart enough, rich enough, skinny enough, fit enough, happy enough, #not [fill in the blank] enough. It’s exhausting and sad.
The mind is mind-blowing, its delicate intricacies ironically beyond the power of the mind itself. With between 68,000-99,000 thoughts per day, 98% of them negative and 90% in repeat mode it’s no wonder the comparing mind is always on, waiting for the next point of comparison. It’s natural and part of our humanity.
Very simply put, the job of the brain is to think, and if we compare it to other organs such as the stomach, whose job is to produce enzymes and break down food among other things, it makes sense, right? The brain is an organ, an incredibly complex and intricate one, and its purpose is to produce thoughts, and lots of them.
In the GULF Getting Unstuck & Leading Fearlessly program, I support women in mindfully navigating work without getting stuck and one of the program's many teachings is to build a new and healthy relationship with our thoughts. The comparing mind is a great place to start and once the foundation for this reframe is laid, it can be lifted and shifted to work with other thought patterns that can stifle and limit our potential.
Here are three steps in support of reframing mindset, in this scenario applied to reframing the voice of the comparing mind.
Thoughts are always flowing, they never stop. Even with the formal practice of meditation, our thoughts are there, flowing, wanting to be seen - and heard.
Step one is to simply notice when you are engaging the comparing mind. Notice and pay attention when you start hearing thoughts and internal commentary as to why you’re not good enough, smart enough, rich enough, skinny enough, fit enough, happy enough, #not [fill in the blank]. Bring your attention to it. Acknowledge it’s there. For now, just notice.
When we are unaware (i.e. autopilot) and engaging with the comparing mind, we are swept away in a force of emotion because of the context of the experiences associated with the thoughts.
The first step is to notice the thoughts. The next step asks that you look at your thoughts from the angle of curiosity. What are you hearing? What is the voice saying (and yes, we all have that voice!) Are you ruminating on the same thoughts? Are there a top 3-4 that play over and over? What are those main thoughts? Can you find humor in them?
Curiosity changes everything; by purposely engaging an emotion of curiosity, we lessen the power of the original emotion often arising as jealousy, anger, frustration, stress or some other charged emotion that sweeps us away from the present moment and inserts a reaction we often regret. Instead of letting ourselves be swept away, stay with the curiosity.
Step one is to notice, step two is purposeful summoning of the emotion of curiosity; it is in step three that the true power of mindfulness is recognized - the power of choice.
Instead of reacting to the voice of the comparing mind and feeding into its story of #not [fill in the blank] enough, we pause, notice, summon curiosity and respond from a place of awareness. When we respond from a place of awareness we take back our power to choose a response that aligns to our values and to what really matters resulting in an improved outcome for ourselves and others impacted by it.
How can using these three steps help you build a new relationship with the comparing mind? Apply these steps for a few days and share here how it worked for you.
This blog was originally posted on 9/8/24. The perspective and views contained in this piece are solely those of Michelle Dray and do not represent those of her employer.
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